Yoga with the Superfriends

I’ve been thinking of taking up yoga. I should be more physically active, but I love being at home with Flame-Haired Angel, and I’m neither the team sports type, nor the lone runner type. Sure, the roller-blading does good things for my buns, but the most I do that is once a week and, keeping it real, it don’t usually happen that often. So, yoga, right? Good French-apartment exercise requiring very little equipment. Looking for more information, I googled up some yoga stuff. Yogabeans! That’s right! You know you've always wanted to be initiated into the world of Ashtanga yoga as practiced by your favorite superhero action figures. So get ready for some serious superhero Ashtanga demonstration butt-kickin'! And don't miss the meditative action-figure dialog that accompanies each pose. Like this, from the Utthita Parsvakonasana pose: Heavy Duty: "Om shanti? What the fuck is that?" Spirit Iron-Knife: "Om is the sound of the universe, from which all other sounds are formed. Shanti means 'peace'." Heavy Duty: "How in hell do you know that?" Spirit Iron-Knife: "I'm a mystical motherfucker." Heavy Duty: "Daaamn." Or this inspiring chatter as some of our more familiar action figure friends strike the Utthita Trikonasana pose under the watchful eye of guest teacher Marge Simpson: Marge: Hulk, do you need me to explain the pose again? Incredible Hulk: Hulk too masculine for yoga! Marge: Oh, don't be silly. Look at Batman, he's very masculine. And Red Power Ranger, you wouldn't call him feminine, would you? Hulk: Yes, Hulk would! Red Power Ranger covered in Spandex! Red Power Ranger very, very gay! Power Ranger: I'm not gay, I'm just from the eighties! Hulk: Everyone in eighties gay! Batman: Hell, I was gay in the eighties. And I thought, "Damn! If yoga’s good enough for Power Ranger, it’s good enough for me." ..